What if you couldn't watch the Super Bowl?

It's almost time for the big game. You know what game I'm talking about, don't play dumb with me. I'm talking about the Super Bowl of course.

Do you know what it's like to play football with the entire world watching in the biggest sporting event and entertainment spectacle of the year? Of course you don't. You quit the team your junior year in high school. You never had any ambition and you lacked talent. There's always imagination though and you have that right. If you get bored by the third quarter, just imagine you're Tom Brady. I know quarterback isn't your favorite position because you have arthritis in your shoulder and you don't like to get tackled, but just try to remember what his girlfriend looks like. I'm sure he gets paid a lot of money too.

But not everyone will be watching the game tonight. Believe it or not there are some impoverished nations that don't have televisions. Not even in the bars and restaurants. Surprisingly enough you can still find pockets like that right here in the good ol' USA. Quite frankly though, you might as well not even bother unless you've got a high-definition television set. A good one costs at least a thousand dollars. People in Mississippi and West Virginia can't afford that. Not with the subprime mortgage crisis. Mostly though, it's the deepest jungles of Africa that I'm referring to. Even if they had TVs over there, the reception would be so poor about all they could do is try to listen to some of the half-time musical performances in between all the static. Then there's also the fact that the missionaries haven't yet introduced the game of football as we know it to these African countries. They play a different version of the game that's quite similar to soccer. But I think that'll all change in about 10 years because everybody wants to be like America. Even with the war and abortion and all.

So when kickoff roles around, just remember to be thankful that you've got that 48 inch widescreen plasma TV and your potato chips, a great big sausage pizza with extra cheese and a case of Budweiser. Isn't that what they call on the commercial living the High Life? If you are a religious person, say a quick prayer for all the people in Africa, Mississippi and West Virginia who can't watch the game. If you're an Atheist, I'm sorry if that violates the separation of church and state doctrine but instead you could write a two or three page letter to one of the Super Bowl sponsors asking them to make a donation to the United Nations.