The war on global warming

Today we learn that the terrible Super Tuesday storms that destroyed several states and claimed 50 precious lives was the result of global warming. This has been proven by John Kerry. You remember him, he ran for president the last time we had an election. George W. Bush won.

You did notice that it was warmer than usual for this time of year Tuesday, but you didn't think too much of it at the time. Little did you know a tornado was brewing. Never in your wildest dreams did you think something terrible was about to happen. Don't feel bad. It caught us all off guard because we were too obsessed with election results. Those people died without knowing who the eventual nominees with be, let alone who the future president will be. Those poor souls don't even know Mitt Romney quit the race today. I guess I'm jumping to conclusions here. The scientists aren't sure what happens when people die. The government should fund research into the afterlife, like on “Flatliners.” That was one of your favorite movies. You wish they'd make a sequel. There's probably ghosts reading this blog right now, laughing at our ignorance. They know how to solve global warming too I bet.

But the Bush administration doesn't. They won't listen to Al Gore. He tried to rob us with that “locked box” scam he based his botched presidential campaign on back in 2000 and now nobody believes a word he says.

It doesn't seem like the government is doing anything at all to stop global warming. Has anyone considered bombing China? They've got all the factories polluting our atmosphere. What they should do is freeze the Great Lakes, cut up the ice and distribute it around the country. It would melt in the desert but it would still lower the temperature some. It's like when you put ice cubes into a warm glass of Cherry Coke. The ice melts but your drink gets cold. Similar concept. Mexicans get lost and die of heat stroke in the desert trying to enter our country illegally. We need to help those people out.